Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
