ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
