so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
