I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize