just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
