my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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