Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
