The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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