when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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