We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
