White coat. Heels.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
