I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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