Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
