Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish they made helmets for livers.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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