Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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