Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
