from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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