Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
