You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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