got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
