i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
