let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
