Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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