i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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