i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
