Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
