Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
