with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
