He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
