Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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