the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
