i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
