i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
