are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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