i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.