this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.