Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
