is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
