so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
