Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
