Don't make out with my wife yet
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.