In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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