Whod you bang
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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