jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
