i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
