I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
