Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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