Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your penis caused this!
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