I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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