R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
not ubering you a puppy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
