It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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