meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
time to smoke my breakfast
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
