that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
