If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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