remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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