Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
