just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
