he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
