whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
