Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
