I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
