she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize