My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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