Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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