ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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