don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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