Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
