My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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