I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
