Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize