If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize