I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
