All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
