saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
